My mom's dying of cancer

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The Dark Side of Will
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My mom's dying of cancer

Post by The Dark Side of Will »

Found it in late June. Stage IV colon cancer metastasized into her liver. Doctor thinks she has 4 weeks left.

X'-(
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Re: My mom's dying of cancer

Post by Indy »

I'm sorry to hear that, my grandfather also died from colon cancer. Last summer we discovered that my wife's grandfather had pancreatic cancer. From the time it was diagnosed, he was alive another 4 weeks.

Good luck to her and your family.
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Re: My mom's dying of cancer

Post by CincinnatiFiero »

I terribly sorry to hear this news, hopefully you can spend as much time as you can with her over the next few weeks.

My aunt recently lost a decade long battle with breast cancer, she kept getting estimates of several weeks but she managed to fight it, but eventually she couldn't do it anymore. It was very sad, but her strength and determination was inspiring.
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Re: My mom's dying of cancer

Post by Shaun41178(2) »

Sorry to hear this Will. My thoughts will be with you and your family.
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Re: My mom's dying of cancer

Post by Emc209i »

Edit, for more appropriate response.

I love my mom very much, and I do not even want to think about what a wreck I'd be if I had received that kind of news. You must be in a great deal of pain, and I'm sorry for that. I wish you the strength and love to endure. You're in my thoughts.
Last edited by Emc209i on Sat Aug 11, 2012 11:41 am, edited 2 times in total.
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crzyone
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Re: My mom's dying of cancer

Post by crzyone »

Sorry to hear Will. I lost my Grandfather and my Dog this year, so I know what you are going through.

Best wishes to your family.
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Re: My mom's dying of cancer

Post by AkursedX »

I'm sorry to hear the news. My thoughts and prayers will be with your family.
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Re: My mom's dying of cancer

Post by The Dark Side of Will »

Thanks for the sympathy and concern, guys.
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Re: My mom's dying of cancer

Post by The Dark Side of Will »

At this point, what I'm trying to do is embrace and cherish the time we have left, no matter how much it hurts.

I picked up a video camera and I'll be videoing her reminiscing... maybe even with some friends. One of her college friends (who married my dad's brother after meeting him at my parents' wedding) has flown in for the duration. They've known each other for almost 50 years; she's not quite herself...

I guess I started this thread to vent some things that I might never be able to say to the rest of the family.

On arriving, my mom's friend guessed that my mom was feeling very angry about the situation. My mom said that she was... that she had done everything that she was supposed to in order to be healthy and live long. I assume that meant that she hadn't smoked or drank or other bad habits.

But she is arthritic and had a low activity level. She and my dad have been on a semi-atkins diet for a while. She's 68. She has *ALL* the common risk factors for colon cancer, yet hadn't had a colonoscopy for 7 years. I'm frustrated with that, but there's nothing that can be done about it now. Anger is one of the stages of grief, of course. Maybe she won't be angry about it anymore when the time comes. I don't feel like I should talk to anyone in the family about this point of view, because it implies that it's her fault this is happening; or at least could be interpreted as implying that. I'm not implying that. Cancer is something that just happens. All we can do is try to catch it early.

The doc thinks that what she has took four years to develop... so now as I think back to all the memories I have of the last four years, they're all colored by knowing there was a monster growing inside her that is now killing her.

She's always been a teacher of the struggling, underdogs and disadvantaged. She worked in Arkansas teaching poor black children when she was right out of college in the mid '60's and places in the south with still desegregating. When I was in high school she entered seminary, graduated while I was in college and has been a Lutheran pastor ever since.
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Re: My mom's dying of cancer

Post by Series8217 »

Will, I'm sorry to hear about this. My thoughts are with you and family. I hope you enjoy the time you have together to the greatest extent possible.
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Re: My mom's dying of cancer

Post by Indy »

The Dark Side of Will wrote:At this point, what I'm trying to do is embrace and cherish the time we have left, no matter how much it hurts.

I picked up a video camera and I'll be videoing her reminiscing... maybe even with some friends. One of her college friends (who married my dad's brother after meeting him at my parents' wedding) has flown in for the duration. They've known each other for almost 50 years; she's not quite herself...
We did something similar while my grandpa was dying, just using a tape recorder. It was very difficult at the time, but now listening to the stories that he told of his childhood and other things brings back very good memories from when he was alive. My mom couldn't listen to them for quite some time after he died, but now she can only laugh - he was a pretty funny guy. The video that you take may not capture her exactly as you have known her in the past, but it will be something very good later.
The Dark Side of Will wrote: I guess I started this thread to vent some things that I might never be able to say to the rest of the family.

On arriving, my mom's friend guessed that my mom was feeling very angry about the situation. My mom said that she was... that she had done everything that she was supposed to in order to be healthy and live long. I assume that meant that she hadn't smoked or drank or other bad habits.

But she is arthritic and had a low activity level. She and my dad have been on a semi-atkins diet for a while. She's 68. She has *ALL* the common risk factors for colon cancer, yet hadn't had a colonoscopy for 7 years. I'm frustrated with that, but there's nothing that can be done about it now. Anger is one of the stages of grief, of course. Maybe she won't be angry about it anymore when the time comes. I don't feel like I should talk to anyone in the family about this point of view, because it implies that it's her fault this is happening; or at least could be interpreted as implying that. I'm not implying that. Cancer is something that just happens. All we can do is try to catch it early.
I've felt the same way in the past, but it's probably not worth it to mention to others in the family as there is a very strong likelihood that they won't understand. There will be people who will be angry because she didn't deserve a sickness like this (of course no one does), but won't make the association between the disease and some of the risks that could have been mitigated much earlier. It's something that I'm somewhat frustrated with my wife about as she's always involved with cancer-related fundraising, holds a cancer-coverage medical insurance policy, yet doesn't maintain a healthy weight, eat well, or stay physically active. It's just another disease at the end of a very long list that have affected humanity since the beginning of time. There will always be a risk, all we can do is minimize it. If that doesn't work then there is a time for fighting it, and a time for accepting that part life of our life was always going to be the end. Just try to enjoy your time with her, and think about the fact that there will still be great memories that will come from the time that you have yet to spend together.

We found out two days ago that my wife's mom has liver cancer. Thankfully the odds are all in her favor of her being able to beat it, but it's definitely a harsh reality check.
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Re: My mom's dying of cancer

Post by The Dark Side of Will »

Tough day yesterday... The hospice nurse drew some blood Monday which was analyzed to determine if she could take another dose of chemo. Doc called yesterday and and told us not to come in. Her blood chemistry was jacked up due to impending liver failure, so no more chemo. The side effects wouldn't be worth whatever time it might buy.

I found out that the recommendation received after her last colonoscopy was to have another in ten years. I have no idea how anyone can make a recommendation like that knowing that colon cancer can go from nonexistent to terminal in four years.

At some point in the next 4-6 weeks she'll go into a hepatic coma and then die within a couple of days.
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Re: My mom's dying of cancer

Post by The Dark Side of Will »

Never thought I'd be giving out so much morphine without police involvement.

The last couple of days have been rough. She was barely lucid yesterday, so we had most of the family around. She was in pain overnight and this morning. I've only seen a couple of split second flashes of recognition in her eyes today. She's barely conscious, but keeps moaning like she's in pain. We have a "pain patch" on her with time-released fentanyl and we're giving her morphine at the maximum prescribed dosage. Soothing music seems to help. She always liked Gregorian chants.

She was a Lutheran pastor. We hae CD's of hymns around.

:cry:
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Re: My mom's dying of cancer

Post by The Dark Side of Will »

She's gone.
Only one day in pain.
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Re: My mom's dying of cancer

Post by AkursedX »

May she rest in peace. I'm sorry for your loss will.
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Re: My mom's dying of cancer

Post by CincinnatiFiero »

Sorry for your loss Will.
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Re: My mom's dying of cancer

Post by Series8217 »

Will, I'm very sorry for your loss.
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Re: My mom's dying of cancer

Post by The Dark Side of Will »

Thanks, guys.
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Re: My mom's dying of cancer

Post by crzyone »

Will, hope you are ok man. Sorry for your loss
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Re: My mom's dying of cancer

Post by BigRedDeckSpoiler »

Will, I just stumbled across this.
I send my condolences. I'm very sorry.

Peace
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